I Am Not Afraid

No one is afraid of anything. 

You're not afraid of dogs, or not getting into college, or drowning, or the dark. 

No one is scared of heights.

Absolutely no one is afraid of failure.

You're afraid of the bite mark the dog tore into your skin. The blood turning red when it hits the air, when it should be safe in your veins, running to and from your heart. The horror of the red teeth coming back for more.

You're afraid of the word "denied" on the letter back. Of the endless hours behind a fast food counter trying to make it to the end of the week. The empty boxes next to the dreams on your mental checklist.

You're afraid of your lungs burning and the darkness closing in. Of your body betraying you and forcing you to breathe in water and only making the pain so much worse. Of the people you love screaming just above the surface.

You're afraid of sitting in your bed in the middle of the night, completely blind to the potential monsters around you. That creak could be a murderer. That shadow could be a phantom. Your racing heartbeat could be your heart's grand finale.

You're afraid of no ground under your feet. Of your insides churning in free fall. Of the complete helplessness as you crash through nothing but air, the earth coming up fast to meet you.

You're afraid of the disappointment in their eyes. The potential you all thought you had ending up to be nothing. The pain of telling yourself over and over, "It's done. I can't do anymore. I. Can't. Fix. The. Broken. Past."

I am not afraid of anything. I'm terrified of what comes next. The aftermath. The aftershock. 

I am not afraid of dying.

I am afraid of ghosts.